Good/Bad

I amaze myself sometimes with how contradictory I am in my own life. Yesterday I started my first day at my new job, same field just a different location. I was so nervous I swear I could have spontaneously combusted on the drive there just from nerves alone. I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. Lucky A. was there or I probably would have.
The day went without fail, clearly much to learn but got good vibes. People seemed to like me there. At the end of it all  was fairly pleased with myself. After all it was a mere few days before I drove 40 miles for the commute to pick up A. from school-to accompany me on a quick walk through of the new workplace to familiarize myself before I went. I had visions in my head of walking in there and confidently speaking to my new supervisor, professionally introduce myself before my fist day....not quite what happened. We walked into the hospital and were standing in the front lobby, faced by a sign of "Please take off wet or muddy footwear". In complying with this task realized through a glass door view that the place where I am possibly to be working is immediately in front of us. We took off our shoes and despite A.'s plea that we had already passed my station, we were approached by another station of gleaming sterile looking specimens. I stopped halfway in between the two forts, begging my heart not to explode out of my chest, and asked A. if he could please be discreet but this is too much for me to handle and I need to casually back out of this place immediately. We left. We had been there no more than 30 seconds. I drove 40 miles one way, to go there for half a minute. I am completely embarrassed with myself. Normal people don't have problems with everyday life like I do.
On my first official day I was so nervous I swear I was visibly shaking like an epileptic. My body was jolting in defiance of me as I entered the door. I was greeted with smiling faces and warm welcomes. I always "know" everything will be ok in the end. But when I am in the moment I can't even reason that anyone could ever accept anything I have to offer. It all turned well, the ladies were lovely, I had nothing to worry about. But wait until I tell you about today. Polar opposite. I am still trying to let it absorb and settle in so I can accept it, so I will have to tell you about it tomorrow. If I can remember it all by then.