Anxiously Isolating

I'm sitting here waiting for a phone call from my boss about my job and anticipating the aforementioned trip this weekend and literally boiling with anxiety. I guess there is a downside to isolation, waiting alone is pure stress. As I continue to think about it I am getting more and more worked up. I don't even want to go on this trip. I don't want to see anyone or have anyone see me. I feel socially awkward even around my friends. Some of them I don't even really consider friends, I just let them believe they are my friends. But honestly if most of them stopped talking to me tomorrow I probably couldn't care less. I guess it's just abandonment conditioning or something. But I don't want to have to put on a show that everything is OK for the whole weekend, that's even harder than accepting that everything is NOT OK. I'm feeling nauseous and tight chested just thinking about it. But on the flip side, if I don't go I know I will regret the fun I missed and the love I would receive. I know its not healthy to want to be alone all the time, but I feel comfortable and safe when I'm at home, and if that doesn't work the surefire cure is to run to my bed and hide under the covers. It's really juvenile but it makes me feel better, the whole if I can't see them they can't see me theory. A. has gotten so used to it that when I run and hide under the covers he will crawl underneath with me and hold me and ask me if I feel safe. I hate the thought of not having my bed close. A. has assured me that if I am not up to making this trip I can cancel my appointment and stay home. He will g to the city to get some of the things we need, and I will be home alone, it's about a 7 hour drive each way. But then I feel guilty to make him go alone, and I will miss the appointment I'm waiting so long for, plus there are a few things we need to pick up from back home. I told him I would wait to see what my boss says. I reasoned that if she doesn't want me to start for a few weeks I'll go on this trip because I will have time to wind down again before I go back to work. But if she wants me to start work right away I won't go. I can't even tell if I am being reasonable or logical about this or of everything I am thinking is just totally distorted right now.