Up/Down

I haven't written a post in awhile. I've really been all over the place the last week or so. I went from excited about my new job to not wanting to go back. From feeling confident and upbeat to miserable. I got very close to having myself admitted twice in the last week. Other times I am euphoric and excitable. It's so confusing.
I started the week by working at my new job then didn't go the second day due to bad weather and the highway being closed. I started setting up my art studio which I haven't done since we moved her in December so my stuff was everywhere. That felt good. It was alot of work and it felt like an accomplishment. I started a few new art projects that I was really excited about and happy with. But I had to quit. In all the fun and excitement I hadn't realized I was out of some major supplies I needed. But when it came down to it I had been tucked away inside for a few days and not realized how comfortable I was with burrowing. Until I realized that I didn't have the courage to go outside and deal with people. I couldn't even make myself go to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions because I was too afraid. This has become a pattern lately, so much so that my avoidance even stretched out to my blog.
My fiance ended up picking my Rx up for me. I still got plunged out into the world however when I got a really bad sore throat and had to go to Emergency. It ended up being tonsillitis and I feel like my head is going to fall off.
11 more days until my first visit with my new psychiatrist. This last seven months being unattended has been excruciating. The panic attacks have increased dramatically and my depression seems harder and harder to fight off each time I get sucked into it.