How Can I Compare?

I always thought I wasn't good enough, or smart enough or pretty enough for anyone to love me. Now I feel as though my worst fears have been justified. The man I love has been cheating on me, and lying about it. Now let's get this straight- it is MY idea of cheating BECAUSE he is lying. He has a terrible porn addiction, and by terrible i mean frequency of use and category of porn. I have seen it, in his phone, his gaming machines, his internet browser, and I have also flat out caught him. I have no problem with masturbation or self gratification, we all do it. It's the fact that I asked about it, and was lied to. I am very open. I tried discussing it without judgement (even though some of the things he looks at offend me personally due to my history of sexual abuse, and make me afraid to have a family with him). I offered to talk about it and help him quit because HE expressed the desire to ME that he wanted to quit and not feel like a filthy pervert anymore. I was available for him to talk to, I tried to be more liberal in the bedroom. I wore outfits and costumes and played with games and toys and did pretty much whatever he wanted. But the whole time he was still constantly jerking off to other women/girls, and lying about it. i have caught him several times now and refuse to see what I am doing wrong. He says it's ruining his life and he is sorry. I have heard him say that too much now that it's just kind of a "Boy who cried Wolf" type of situation. I kicked him out of my bed because I can't stand the thought of him touching me. I did everything he wanted sexually but apparently I'm still not good enough. It's so humiliating to know he is comparing me to these other women. I judge myself enough as it is, I didn't need this. Starting Jan. 1 I'm extreme dieting and beautifying, and if on my path to make myself feel good enough maybe somebody else will see something in me that he didn't. If he wants fake and plastic then that's what he'll get. He is saying he is looking for treatment even though several times over the past year I have presented him with treatment options. But how can I feel good about myself when he goes to the measure of  lying and sneaking around to get what he wants? I don't get to look at other people naked. I told him once if he thinks all that porn is ok and not harmful he should let me do it. I could make alot of money working as a sex cam model, I've done it before. But according to him that's not acceptable, not that I really want to do that, it's just the principle of it all. I told him everything about me, very serious things, things I have never told anyone not even my psychiatrist and he can't even be honest. I just don't know what to do. My whole life has been filled with sexual perversion and mistrust. Am I destined to live this way forever? I'm so depressed. I feel like I lost something that I had no control over, and I'll never be able to trust him again. Happy Fucking New Year- I'm getting drunk tonight!