Isolation Addict

I'm sitting here thinking that I secretly manipulated my way into getting what I want and I am still not happy. All weekend I have been dreading work on Monday. I have been sick with tonsillitis and ear infections and missed two evening shifts last week. I have been convincing myself that I don't like my job at this new location, I work a casual position that allows me to work between different locations. This new one is a 40 minute commute which can be scary for me to be that far away from home and I get scared that I will have an anxiety attack and have to drive all the way home. Well I didn't go again today, I have told myself I am still sick, I kind of am. But even not wanting to go back makes no sense, I only actually worked at this location for one day and I had felt like it was a good day at the time. So now I am sitting at home, just what I wanted, but I feel guilty.
So I called my work and called my big boss and they had no concern. I work as a casual so they didn't actually have to replace me, it was just training shifts for the new location. And they told me just to get better and we will reschedule those shifts, so I'm not really out any money. I just need to get the courage to actually go to work. I feel like such a screw up.
I've been feeling really depressed lately. I've consumed alcohol in excess almost every day for the last week. In fact I am already drinking and it's not even 10 am. My fiance keeps buying me booze to keep me happy. Oddly it does quite calm me. I normally do not drink to this extreme. I drink a fair amount, socially. But it's not been a habit of mine to drink during the day or by myself as it has been of late. I don't think I have a problem but I think if it continues I am in danger of it becoming a problem. It's all I can do to make my pain go away though. I have been tranquilizing myself with Seroquel and other medications and it's become that that's not enough to get me through the day.
I have been isolating myself at home for quite awhile now. It's to the point that I think it is hindering me in my daily life. Usually I go 2-3 days at a time f no contact with the outside world then I have to go get stuff done. But lately my isolation's have been climbing up to 4-5 days at a time. And it extends even further to avoiding my family and friends. It really hit me the other day when my best friend text me and said she feels like I am mad at her or don't want to talk to her anymore because every time she calls or texts I never respond. She is totally right. I told her I'm sorry, she's the only girlfriend I do have still. I apologized and explained what's been going on. I made time for a long chat with her that night and it made me feel better and her too. I didn't even have an excuse, I told her I've been terrible and she doesn't deserve that, she is such a good friend to me. I guess that's why she understands and can accept my idiosyncrasies.