Well I have a few things that have really been bothering me lately. I have had quite a bit of time off work (from being sick with tonsillitis, and sick of life and not wanting to go). But now I have to go back tomorrow, all day. And work with someone I don't even know, and I'm freaking out! Whenever I meet someone new I feel completely overwhelmed and certain that I have "crazy" stamped on my forehead. Aside from the fact that it is hard to manage in the real world after 4-5 day isolation periods of not leaving the house and living in pajamas. Just the fact that I am working with the public all day throws me over the edge sometimes. I am really nervous and half worried that I will make some excuse not to go again, but I can't keep doing that. It's getting ridiculous. My fiance is in school so I can't just be throwing away money like this.
The other thing is that I have my first appointment with my new psychiatrist on Monday. I have been waiting 7 months to see her and now I am terrified. I don't even know what I want to say. I'm worried I won't like her or she won't like me, then I'm screwed because I think she is the only psychiatrist for 50 miles. I'm worried I am going to spend too much time in session focusing on some small thing and not getting to the point of what is really going on. I have been trying to make a list of things I want to talk about so I don't forget everything I wanted to say. But with my scatterbrain it just turned into a whole bunch of little lists scattered about and lists being re-written and revised over and over again to the point in which it just seems like my brain, thoughts splattered all over the place with no real meaning.
6 comments:
Yeah, I've done 7 sessions with my therapist/counselor.. and we haven't even scratched the surface of what is wrong and what I need to talk about. :( I feel like a complete and total failure with it!
:hugs: I'm so sorry you have to go back to work. I really 'want' a job, because I need the money. But I absolutely feel panic taking over my entire body at the thought of any of the jobs I've ever done. Having to do them again. *sigh*
*hugs*
Btw, thank you so much for the supportive comments on my posts. It means a lot to actually hear from someone on the stuff I write. I feel a little less alone when you do it. It means a lot to me.
I think the first thing you need to do is to stop catastrophising. Meaning, don't worry about the future because it hasn't happened yet. You have no control over it and this is probably why you feel so anxious. Working with new people is scary but just think that maybe the new person is scared too. Just take a deep breath and if you do panic, go to the bathroom and just have a little break if you can.
As for the psychiatrist, don't worry, just follow her lead. She will most likely just ask you a bunch of questions to start with so she can get an idea of where you are at. She will know you are nervous and scared to talk, so try to not worry about it. They are trained to help us. Try to worry hun, I know it's hard but you can't know the future but you can live in the now and just go with it.
*hugs*
Sarah
oops I meant try not to worry
Thanks so much you guys.
shatteredone: The feeling is mutual, it is lovely to have someone out there you can relate to.
Sairs: You're right, I have been known to have a huge habit of catastrophizing. I think most of the work thing comes from that and my fear of giving up the security of isolation. I suppose you are right about the therapist too. I should just let it be.
Hey Kelli, you are the proud owner of a copy of "My Baggy Pants 2", so just email me on sabby120@netspace.net.au with your address and I'll get that out to you in the mail :)
*hugs*
Sarah
YAYYY!!!
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